For me, these adoptee groups are like taking spoonfuls of bitter medicine. The sharing I do with other adoptees, the reflections of my past, and all the things that I have learned has healed me. Adoption is as varied as shoes, apples or the variety of labels of medication on the shelves of the local Walgreens. We all have a different brand/flavor/outlook of what it means to be adopted. Some people view adoption as something wonderful. They were saved. They lived great lives and they are vibrant humans because of adoption. I hear this story mostly from those who were adopted when they were infants, never had an interest in their heritage, or lived with great families. They had empathetic parents. They went to culture camp. They had great lives. They lived the American dream and they can’t understand why other adoptees are so bitter and negative about the whole process.
For others, being adopted means that you are the dented and discarded items you find on sale in the back of the store… in short, your damaged goods. You learned that you were rejected, unwanted, and thrown away. The wounds these words inflict cuts deeper than any knife could. Comments like: Oh you’re adopted… you must be so lucky… your parents are so wonderful… infuriates us, hurts us, and ignores who we are. Did I have a choice in this? Or was I thrust in this hell hole without having any choice on the matter? What if our parents were evil? We were made of a different mold than the first group. Some of us were beaten, scolded, and called names by the people who were entrusted to take care of us. Nobody was our advocate. We were told that we somehow contributed to the pain and suffering to those who tormented us. We lived a life of pain, guilt and shame and when we speak out other view us as bitter.
I crack open another bottle of medicine and let the gooey disgusting truth flow out from my haunted past and unto the pages in face book, e-mails, and online blogs. Let this medicine heal. Gulp. Take another swallow of the bitter truth.
What do you think? Are we adoptees really this divided? Do these forums help us? Are we allowed to express ourselves without ridicule from our own peers? Do you think I have the right dosage or high on prescriptions?