Over the years I’ve received much in the way of hateful missives, personal attacks, threats, libelous statements, etc. Some I reply to, some I ignore, some I seek legal counsel concerning.
After a recent uptick in such communication, I realized something about the nature and sublimated message of them, which perhaps serves as a “message” to other adoptees who might likewise stand up for their rights: “Abide or die”.
It is interesting that most of the messages focus on ingratitude. They assume a rupture with my adoptive parents. They express “good riddance” that I’ve returned, rematriated.
And so a few things become clear: “Salvation” comes with the expectation that it will not be critiqued. Our “rescue” obviates calling into question the motive of our “rescuers”.
I’m stating the obvious, I know. We’ve discussed it at great length, and obviously without reaching the audience that most needs to hear and understand.
But I’m disturbed by the “abide” side of the above-stated binary. Meaning, even when we do “abide” by the rules of the “salvational”, we are slowly killed by the experience all the same, and this whether we acknowledge it or not.
I’m especially struck by the assumption that by virtue of critiquing adoption, or rematriating, or converting religions, or what have you, that we are obligatorily ruptured from our adoptive parents.
This starts to smack of exile, excommunication, scarlet letters, witch hunts. What’s left: Stoning? Burning at the stake?
How can we actively disengage from such a Calvinist enterprise? From such a Victorian condemnation?