Guest Registry

We appreciate our readers and hope you appreciate our efforts, so we’d like to know who you are and allow you space to comment here.

Thank you for coming with open ears, hearts, and minds…

With fondest regards,

The whole team of transracial adoptee contributors to Transracialeyes

38 thoughts on “Guest Registry

  1. Pingback: Filipino Adoptees Network » Blog Archive » Blog: Transracialeyes – Because of course race and culture matter

  2. I have been very inspired by your work, Daniel and this site.. I am co-authoring a book on so-called “Intercountry Adoption” in Canada and have been seeking sites and posts such as yours which look at this issue from a rights perspective (of the child and family/community of origin). The situation in Canada is likely the worst of receiving countries as the entire system is basically ignored by the state and is in violation of many of the Hague Convention requirements. I personally do not believe that “intercountry adoption” is ethical, however, Canada is far from abolishing such practices due to the adoptive family lobby which is heavily supported by charities and churches. The state will not acknowledge that the system here is a wild west of unregulated agencies who operate without accountability nor monitoring until there is a “crisis” such as bankruptcy. The Canadian federal government and most provinces do not even keep consistent, accurate statistics (if any at all) on how many children are being appropriated from abroad nor is there any regard or evaluation of outcomes for the children or birth families/communities. You were right when you noted that such discussions are too much for Canadians when you were cut-off by the Canada Adopts website. I generalize when I say that there is a distinct arrogant assumption here that a life in Canada is a privilege and far superior to a life elsewhere. Our political culture also allows for the dominance of the Western discourse on foreign adoption. To end on a positive note, since Canada has ceased the practice of adopting aboriginal children outside of their communities I have hope that policy makers may also start to look at the bigger picture which includes international adoption. My colleague and I hope to offer an alternative discourse to prompt the discussion in Canada. I will continue to visit your site and let you know if the situation here changes at all. Thank-you.

    • Kenna, I have never understood why the U.S. gets so much scrutiny while Canada seems to be made of Teflon, and why there is so little discussion about systemic flaws there, especially what happened to First Nations Peoples.

      Best wishes with your book, and we here at Transracialeyes are excited that people are starting to listen to adoptees for a change/for change.

    • Excellent idea for your book. I wish you all the success with this project as I hope it will help pave way to the well needed change of policy regarding foreign adoptions in Canada, and perhaps other countries as well.

  3. Daniel… Daniel…Daniel – you drove me to tears. I am a Muslim mom of 3 from Turkey, living in USA. One of 5 children, I was “given” to my uncle and his wife at the age of 13(as is the culture in some parts of Turkey) because they were not able to have their own child. I was not adopted, but sort of “lent” to my aunt and uncle.To this day, I am not able to forgive my parents for separating me from my family. my friends, my culture, my country. When I visit them, I have no connection to any of the memories they talk about. I am hurt and resentful.

    How did I get to your site? well…I am a LoonWatch fanatic and I read your article/rebuttal on adoption in Islam. I am totally against adoption, and you expressed so well how I feel and felt all this time. No lie, this is the first time I really “heard” how an adoptee feels, how they are affeced by the process and how they are deprived of their true identity. It seems you not only came to terms with your situation, you returned to your country and now letting the world know that adoption is not what it is cracked up to be. Keep up the good work, May Allah bless you Always…and all the adoptees and orphans

    Hatice

    • wa aleikum wa aleina as-salam.

      I appreciate your kind words. I hope one day, God willing, to say that I have “come to terms” with the situation of trafficking children in this part of the world, including my own adoption. Until then I describe it as an abyss that doesn’t bottom out.

      I wish I had some words of comfort for your own situation—I was not aware of this kind of familial transaction within the region. Inch’allah you will, too, find peace one day. Thanks again.

  4. I read many of your postings because I have seen good and bad come from both international and foster to adopt. I am a white parent who adopted my biracial grandchild to keep her from the foster to adopt system. I belong to an interacial church, have friends from many cultures, and still worry about how she will process her losses and adoption as she forms her identity.

  5. Thanks for keeping your grandchild connected to her identity, and thanks for acknowledging the very real challenges she will face.

  6. Thank you so for this site. We are a transracial family, white parents, 2 adopted black children, 7 and 9. I’m “soaking it all up”. Thinking we had the insight before taking this path, I now realize we we’re clueless, including our agency. Our children, their needs, must come first, though, we also need to keep “sane” to move forward. Your posts, are giving me the knowledge to speak the truth, without fear of “how ‘they’ may take it”. I see the racism all around us. Please know, thru this site, we (as in us), are willing to make the changes needed and spread the word! You are making a difference, and we hear you!

  7. This has been an eye-opener for me to find this blog and it’s content. Since 2004 I had done research about the topic of adoption and particularly the subject of the Indian Adoption Projects. My memoir “One Small Sacrifice” was published in 2010 (a second edition in 2012) and my new anthology “Two Worlds, Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects” will be published in September 2012. I’ve been following Daniel’s tweets. Thank you for this wide-range of information – I plan to read everything! (Lara Hentz is my blog; Trace A. DeMeyer is my adoptee name: read more at http://www.splitfeathers.blogspot.com)

  8. Is there a way to be notified when there’s a new blog posting? Just found you and want to stay connected.

    Good work!

    Signed,
    Jersey-born Adoptee
    Trying to bring down Chris Christie and all Adoptee Rights Obstructionists

  9. Thanks Sara Sue! Us Jersey kids gotta hang tough! You can click on the “Follow” button (on top if you are signed in to WordPress, at the bottom otherwise) and all new posts will be forwarded to you.

  10. No need to post this; just registering as per your policy. (Another) 38 year old KAD (Korean adoptee) finally starting hear journey toward identity, discovery and knowledge. Keep speaking out! Your courage is helping me find my own. Best, K.

  11. Hi…just thought I would say hi…I am also a Korean adoptee. I have been working on my sense of identity etc. Best of luck!

  12. Hi Daniel, I stop by occasionally, as I enjoy your writings. Being a white adoptee of mixed ethnic blends by both adoption and by natural family, I am only now contemplating what it means to seek out the rumors. Is there lost Native American blood in me? Is there lost Jewish blood in me? And what does it mean to a white woman who is, by adoption, English, Polish, Italian? What does it mean to find out that by blood, my ancestors were German, Polish, French, Scottish, possibly Native and possibly Jewish? For my “people” have been in America so long that our ethnic backgrounds have blended. Traditions passed down, many lost, languages definitely lost. But physically, what does it mean? Spiritually, what does it mean? I’m beginning a new phase in my journey. My voyage is not the same as those adoptees separated from parents and siblings and homeland, yet, I feel a sense of loss for my ancestors’ true stories. My separation was here in a already diverse city. At one time, in the 80s, we counted over 100 separate ethnic cultures living within our city, so it was a celebration to me to be a part of it all. Now, I wonder how my ancestors made this city and how they made this country, for many of my ancestors have been here for 200 – 400 years. But the missing pieces make me think, there are stories I need to know. My Whiteness is just a cover. The ethnic groups blended in me had experienced life journeys. …Thanks for bringing these journeys, questions, and thoughts of adoption and culture to the top of discussions.

    • Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated. I still wonder what it might have meant if my adoptive father had, in any way, embraced instead of rejected his Irish heritage in favor for the dominant mode of the country. But we can also witness the violence that such communities in turn each faced in books like The American Language, which has an entire chapter devoted to the slang and epithets used to denigrate non-Anglos in the new country. It almost seems preposterous to think of “white” people this way. But I agree that we all have a lot of research to do on our own histories, and that this would give us much in the way of common ground if not common cause.

  13. Wow, the responses from ‘How Much did you Cost?’ Really got me thinking, no I we don’t use the ‘You’re the special, chosen, one’, they Were free, except $45 court cost, ‘free?’, what will that mean to them, to me they are priceless (which I realize can be meaningless to an adoptee), though I empathize with the insights of an adoptee. This is difficult reading, thought provoking, I know now we must look at and try in some way to understand as parents who have adopted that we have an obligation to hold these words close and try in some way to help our children on their journey. Geez, I hope we’re not too late.

      • Is it ok for me to ask a question? Well I will- disregard if not ok? Any sites to recommend where I can ask questions (Transracial family/parents white-adoptees 2 children AA). Other than the Adoption Family Circle (some name like that?)! You know the one the Ad. bans most of you from- for speaking the truth! Remember I suggested the ‘flash’ posting to that site! Thanks

    • I concur with Daniel here, and appreciate the desire on your part to recognize how the issue of adoption can mean to the adopted.

      • Thank you to both Daniel and to you Snow Leopard (I have read many of your comments/questions), the insight of both of you continues to open my eyes and realize how I need to listen to the unspoken words of my children. I know they will have battles both inward & out. Both AA children raised with white parents. I will continue to strive to have them be a part of the race they are, yet know our love, mine, Irish & crazy at times in never ending. I so appreciate your thoughts & comments.

      • Thank you Daniel for the twitter link and suggestion on the “real-life” end of the picture. I just finished reading your reply to the post, ‘Beginning the Search…’ question. Lots to digest, usually after reading the replies I feel sad & wonder why I was so arrogant and grandious not to do dive into the realities of adoption. I realize now the sense of ‘entitlement’ I also had as a birthmother giving her daughter up to a couple who also had ‘white privilege’ though I have had an ‘open adoption’ thru-out her life, there is a part of me that has an emptiness. The pain of 2 birthmothers & fathers of having both of their babies torn from them. Hmmm…I need to find some hope and continue to bring as much as their cultural identity to them as possible. Time for a breath.

  14. Everything you do is based on the choices you make. Its not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, your age, or the fact that you were adopted that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every choice you make, period.

    • First, no one gets to say “period” on this web site. The entire point of this collective of voices is to get away from the “period” that those such as yourself have draped around our necks like huge yokes, dragging us down. Well, we’re standing up now, and we’re done with this mentality. You might have missed where we previously addressed it, so I’ll direct your attention to that discussion.

      Second, what is it you are actually saying? What does it even mean to say, “Everything you do is based on the choices you make”? What I read here is something that comes from a very particular Calvinist mentality which says we have, in fact, NO free will. You are basically saying, “suck it up and get over it”. Because we chose to be adopted? We chose to be displaced or dispossessed? There is no discussion, debate, retort, or rebellion to be had?

      This would not be so offensive if the same Calvinism also didn’t give us an inherent power differential, with those “above” getting to do whatever they want and justifying it in this way, while those suffering due to their excesses are expected to just deal with it. What this statement is positing is that we are being “uppity”, and should “know our role”. This is the basis of all of the racism and classist sentiment that we discuss here. The days of this mentality are long overdue for a “period” of their own.

      What we are witnessing here in your words is a purely individualistic mindset that doesn’t see itself connected to the world at large. With all due respect, this is not the world that the majority of the planet lives in. Our decisions are not made in objective vacuums without causation; everything but everything is connected; everyone but everyone is connected; the manifestations of our decisions and actions are based in the derivations, incentives, wills, pulls, gravities, and precedence of everything and everyone around us. And they carry forward, affecting others, having an impact on others. This is the way the world works. Period.

      “How dare you?” Is what I want to ask in reply. How dare you come to the miniscule corner of this world that we attempt to wrest from your control, where people have endeavored to bring a bit of clarity and understanding to their situations (your reading of this as “whining” or “complaining” is wholly your issue, not ours), and you let loose with such berating thoughts and deeds, and you attempt to shut that down with your ridiculously untenable statements and your “Period”?

      The days of our silence are long over. It is time for you to understand that, and for you to get on with your life, in the static, regressive, status quo that obviously serves you so well. The rest of us are moving on, hopefully to something better for all of us, not just a few of us.

  15. I am an adoptive mom. Your blog is hard to read but your voice is a gift to those of us trying to get to meet our children’s needs and to understand their journey. Thank you for your strength in sharing.

  16. “Symptoms of adoptive entitlement” Not all adoptive parents, at least not I, follow you posts with the symptoms of entitlement in mind. I’m listening, the insight is so powerful- what I’m trying to do is take it in-remember & think before I respond to my children, listen to them, others, even my own thoughts. We can only go forward- I know there is so much more to be done, with all the intriguing insights from you, my hope & prayer is I (& my husband in tow- a work in progress- sometimes!)- is we can take your powerful words so deep in your hearts, learn & use them as tools for ourselves, others & our kids. Know- there are those of us that ‘do’ hear you and appreciate- I take no offense, only the offense I have is towards myself- I’m working on it! Thanks!

  17. I am an adopted Colombian. My half-brother and I cost over $30,000.00 after everything was signed, stamped, and sealed. It is was transracial adoption. Life in the US was a living nightmare. The details are pretty horrifying. Anyways these past five years I’ve gone through an Identity crisis. Wanting to know my roots, etc. Any questions I would ask my adopted mother about my birth mother was met with anger and resistance. If bring my birth mom up at all to my “adopted mother” she bad mouths her every time the opportunity presents itself. Shaming her and belittling her even though she has never met her in her life. No one knows my births mom side of story not even social services in Colombia because social services in Colombia have never met my mother either. All of what they say in the paperwork is the words of my birth moms “friend.” I have suspicions and reason to believe I was in obtained illegally and paperwork and documents were falsified.

    I also have reason to believe that they did not tell them their RIGHTS my birth parents. The little paperwork I do have says my father came to the “orphanage” to get me and take me home with him. This is what probably breaks my heart the most. Social services didn’t like where he lived and felt that I shouldn’t be separate from my half brother whom is not my birth fathers son. This whole transracial adoption makes me suspicious on the grounds that last year Colombias Adoption Agencies was outed/exposed for corruption…Child Laundering to be very specific.

    It started with a television documentary on exactly how these children really became “orphans”. Mothers having children out of wedlock were bullied into giving their babies up, impoverished families were told if they gave their kids up they’d have a better life and were paid a sum of money, women hunted down in marketplaces, etc. Like seriously this is a real issue and this is the dark side of international adoptions that many foreigners are willful to understand. The sender country that had a hand in this is good ol U.S. of A.

Adoptees, what do you think? We welcome your replies!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s